Ah, the sea! Hot, sand, waves… and the male insecurities that come out strong under the scorching sun.
Men’s Fears at the Beach
You won’t believe what I discovered: the anxiety of parading on the beach is not exclusively female. Yes, that’s right! Apparently, even among us men, there are those who are ashamed of their bellies, their not-so-athletic physiques, the many hairs covering their backs and shoulders, and the signs of a no longer pronounced youth starting to appear on their faces and skin. Finished? Never! How can we ignore those who fear that a not-so-bulging swimsuit may create doubts about their virility?
The Swimsuit Test
So, what has been passed off as a typically female fear turns out to be common among us men as well, obviously excluding the writer. It wasn’t hard to understand, since the scene of men risking suffocation by sucking in their bellies in a clumsy attempt to look slimmer is typical under umbrellas from time immemorial. Perhaps that’s why swimming trunks (but what boxers?) have become fashionable, so wide as to give a good cover for those looking to hide a body not exactly magazine-worthy.
The Unfair Bathers
But the beach hides many other pitfalls, all because there are unfair bathers. I’m talking about those fit young men who arrogantly strut past the deckchairs in those infamous tight swimsuits, like Speedos, that give even more visible area to their excessively scattered muscles. Tall, hairless, and always groomed, even after a dip in the sea. It’s not enough for them to be chiseled, they must also flaunt their biceps, pectorals, abs, and everything that can be noticed from their micro-swimsuits.
The Cruelty
And so, the poor man who was sprawled out behind his crossword puzzle, spying on the beautiful girls walking along the shore, ready to spring up trying to appear athletic despite the evident signs of many hearty meals, not only has to compete with the various Mr. Muscles but must also keep an eye on his girlfriend’s, wife’s, or partner’s gaze, which tends to be drawn to the handsome young men with breathtaking physiques who should be banned from every beach for the damage they do to male self-esteem.
My Appeal for a Sensitization Campaign
So, I want to launch an appeal. Let’s fight for spaces dedicated solely to those who want to lie on the beach after devouring a nice doughnut or a big sandwich. Let’s set strict standards for the types of physiques allowed in. Let them believe that everyone else is like them, make them think that’s how a desirable man should be. Otherwise, and here I also address the entrepreneurs of seaside resorts, don’t wonder why more and more men insist on going to the mountains: it’s cooler there, and muscles are covered by technical clothing.
Clarification
To avoid any misunderstanding, I reiterate that the undersigned does not live with these fears at all, and no one should dare to suspect that I don’t go to the sea, even if I live near it, for these reasons. And if you don’t see me in a swimsuit, it’s not a case of jumping to conclusions. I prefer a jacket and tie over going half-naked. Yes, even in summer, so what?
